More Than Blood and Names
by Naite-Laef
Summary: Goku stumbles upon a disturbing revelation about the death of his grandfather. With some help from Bulma, he learns to accept his feelings. However, he unknowingly builds the framework for another necessary conversation.


A shiver ran down Goku's spine as the blutz waves washed over him.

While he stood momentarily frozen, Vegeta's body expanded without hesitation. The standard Saiyan armour stretched along his hairy form, and his elongated canines gleamed in the artificial moonlight. His controlled transformation reached completion in mere moments. The giant ape turned, tail lashing out in agitation. Vegeta lunged forward, just narrowly missing Goku as the younger Saiyan flipped over the ape's head.

Turning to face his opponent once more, Vegeta simply laughed.

"If you had known what you were capable of, you would have never let them take your tail," the prince roared. "But now it is I who will show you the true nature of the Saiyans!"

Eyes wide, Goku threw himself out of the monster's path. Vegeta's enormous fist collided with the rock formation where Goku once stood, destroying the natural structure with little effort. Though his life hung in the balance, and the odds had turned against him yet again, Goku's mind reeled with the new information.

He saw himself standing in front of his Grandpa Gohan, no more than five years old. His tail swished happily behind him even as his grandfather gave him a serious look.

"Goku," the old man began. "On the night of a full moon, a giant monster comes out. It does terrible things. You must be careful, child. When that time of the month comes around, I beg of you- stay indoors with the windows shut tightly. Do not look outside!"

The man's chest began to tighten as he felt his memories jump through time once more.

An elderly Namek stood stiffly behind a teenage Goku on the lookout. "We could take this awful power from him now, but someday he will know the truth," he heard Kami say. "It will always be part of who he is. It is the legacy of his race."

Vegeta roared in anger as Goku dived forward, avoiding yet another near-fatal punch.

The hairs on the back of Goku's neck stood on end as he recalled one night in particular many years ago. He had been trapped with Bulma, Yamcha, and Oolong, just outside of Pilaf's castle. They were trapped, and Bulma had warned him not to look at the full moon-

Whispers of a raw, animalistic power surged through him as he recalled snippets of the destruction that ensued. Then he remembered waking up the next morning, dazed, naked, and without his tail.

His arms trembled violently. "The monster my grandpa warned me about..." he said, a sense of painful understanding crossing his features. "It was me!"

The giant ape's red eyes glowed with amusement as Goku's energy spiked with his inner turmoil. Prince Vegeta stalked toward his prey, eager to end the life of the man he considered to be his inferior.

"Yes, I get it now!" Goku continued. "I'm the one who destroyed the stadium at the world tournament..."

Struggling to pay heed to the approaching footsteps, the young man's mouth twisted into a grimace. "And I'm the one who… who…" A horrified cry ripped from his throat without warning.

"I crushed my grandpa!"

He clenched his teeth in frustration as he turned to sprint away from the incoming Saiyan. He jumped from rock to rock, before finding a sizeable stage from which he could square off with Vegeta.

"Why didn't anyone tell me?" He thought, tears welling in the corners of his eyes. "All the years I spent with them- Bulma, Master Roshi, and the others. They must know. They had to have figured out the truth!"

Stopping in front of his target, Vegeta glared down at the battered Earth-raised Saiyan.

"They must've seen me transform into this… thing," Goku internally spat, not bothering to his the disgust on his face as he glanced up at Vegeta.

"I'm so sorry, Grandpa," Goku thought, wishing that the man who raised him could somehow hear. "I don't know if there's any way I could make it up to you… but I'm gonna try."

With a yell of rage, he launched himself into the air.

However, the Saiyan invasion wasn't the last life-or-death battle Goku had to endure. The years passed quickly, his life chaotic with ever-looming threats.

After an unexpected trip to Namek, a legendary ascension, the introduction of a time traveler, three years of intense training, the arrival of the fabled Androids, and his subsequent survival of a debilitating new heart virus, Son Goku finally had a chance to relax.

Sure, the entire world was in a mass panic over the announcement of the Cell Games, but Goku knew that Cell would meet his end. Of that, he had no doubts.

He glanced over to his son.

Goku had had the privilege of watching his precious child evolve from a helpless toddler into the strongest warrior on Earth. The year they spent in the Hyperbolic Time Chamber was one he would never forget. The training may have been intense, but the small moments of bonding they had gotten to share had been worth the pain.

The prepubescent boy had nodded off just after supper, and now gently snored into his chemistry book. With a small smile, Chi-Chi watched from the kitchen as Goku carried their boy upstairs.

Gohan was fairly large for his age, and Goku found himself shifting the child in his arms as he walked. It's not as though the boy was too heavy. No, the father was being mindful of the sensitive tail poking out of his son's black slacks. He lifted his son slightly higher to avoid accidentally stepping on the brown fur.

He laid Gohan down on his narrow bed, on his side, and smoothed the extra appendage into a more comfortable position. The boy sighed appreciatively, still lost in sleep. After gently swiping the wild bangs from the Gohan's eyes, he finally covered his son with a warm quilt.

Goku stood up, watching his only child for a moment longer before turning to leave. The boy's recent growth spurt in the Hyperbolic Time Chamber had manifested itself in more ways than one. Goku tried hard to recall what age he had been the last time he had a tail. He had lost it quite a few times, but at some point, it never grew back. Apparently, Gohan was at a young enough age that his body could still regenerate the extra limb.

Biting his lower lip, Goku figured the time for answers was now. He had just a few more days to spend with his family before the Cell Games. Something weighed heavily on his mind, and for the first time in his life, he yearned for some semblance of closure. He had the faintest inkling that maybe- just _maybe_\- he wouldn't survive this battle. So, he needed all his affairs in order. He needed answers, and he needed them now.

Raising two fingers to his forehead, the man disappeared.

"Ow," he whined as a book hit him squarely in the face.

"Serves you right for scaring me like that!" Bulma hissed, picking up her fussy infant.

"Sorry," Goku said, giving a weak smile. "We've been through so much together. Sometimes I forget you can't sense energy."

"What's wrong?" she immediately asked, looking him in the eye. She could feel it in his demeanor- he looked off. She tensed before pressing, "What happened?"

"Nothing happened. Everyone is fine," he said, quickly placating her. "I just wanted to ask you something."

"Oh," she said, a bit puzzled. "Yeah, what's up, Goku?"

He closed his eyes and allowed his blunt nature to do the talking. "Why didn't anyone tell me that I killed my grandpa?"

He heard Bulma's sharp intake of breath. Opening his eyes once more, he saw her mouth hanging open slightly, blue eyes wide in shock.

"What?" she asked in a small voice. "When did you- how-"

"I figured it out when Vegeta transformed," Goku said, quietly. "He said it was the true power of a Saiyan, and that I would know about it if I had a tail."

When Bulma didn't respond, he continued.

"My grandpa always used to tell me about the monster that came out during the full moon," he sighed, rubbing a hand through his messy hair. "I just never knew that that monster was me."

"No," Bulma said sharply, placing Trunks back in his crib. She walked up to her friend, her pale hands on her hips. "Don't do this to yourself. You are not a monster, Goku! Don't even think like that. It wasn't your fault."

"But why did no one tell me?" he demanded. "I've been around you all for so long. You, Yamcha, Krillin, Oolong- just how many times have I transformed?"

She sighed. "As far as I know? At least four times in your life."

"Four times?" he nearly yelled.

"Goku," she said softly. "No one told you because we knew it would hurt you to know. Remember that time you saw your grandpa when he was one of Baba's dead warriors? I can count on one hand how many times I've seen you cry. It was so hard to watch you, the strongest person I know, breaking down in someone's arms."

He swallowed hard.

"I know that even as a kid you could do unbelievable things. And sometimes, that made it really easy to forget that you were just that- a kid! I never wanted to see you fall apart like that again. I never wanted you to blame yourself."

"It's still my fault," he murmured. "I had all this power, and I just couldn't control it. Why have all that strength, if I was too weak to master it?"

"Mister, you look at me, right now," she scolded.

When he obeyed, she said, "You were a child, forced into a position no child should ever be in. That transformation is in your blood- it's ridiculous to expect you to have complete control over it after just a few times. It was an accident, Goku. There was nothing you could've done differently to prevent it. No child should ever have that kind of power thrust upon them."

"But-"

"What if your grandpa had simply told you the truth, huh? He warned you about it, so obviously it had happened once before and he survived the ordeal at least once. He could've told you. He could've made sure you were extra careful to not look at the moon." She said, throwing her hands into the air. "A million things could've gone differently, but you can't beat yourself up over 'what if.' Your grandpa would want you to be happy, Goku. He wouldn't want you to feel like this."

She peered up at him, daring him to look away. He kept his eyes locked on hers, drinking in every sincere word that tumbled from her thoughts.

With a sigh, Goku turned to face away from his friend. "i just... miss him. He was everything to me. I just wish he was still here."

"He loved you, and he would've never blamed you for something like that," she whispered, noticing that her own son was now asleep. "You're a parent now- heck, we both are. Imagine if your little Gohan felt responsible for your death at the hands of Raditz, simply because he was there and couldn't stop it. Goku, the love of a parent is an unbreakable bond. It transcends death, and it's more than blood and names. I know you still love him, and I know that he still loves you."

At last, a smile small graced his lips. "I think I understand now," he said, a warm, calmness spreading through his stomach. "You're telling me to not focus on the past, right?"

She gave him an encouraging smile, and he continued to think out loud.

"I've always given ithers a second chance," he said, brow wrinkling as he lost himself in thought. "I've never held Piccolo's past against him, or Tien's, or Yamcha's. Maybe... maybe this is ny second chance."

The Saiyan turned to face Bulma once more, his face smooth and relaxed. "You're a great friend, Bulma. Thank you."

She grinned. "You're damn right I am." And with that, she pulled him into a hug. He returned the gesture without a second thought, unconsciously thinking back to the last time he had hugged his grandpa.

Just as he was stronger than Grandpa Gohan, his own son now surpassed him as well. He supposed history had a funny way of repeating itself. He just hoped that Gohan would never have to experience what he had.

The suffocating weight of a parent's death no longer on his shoulders, Goku bid Bulma a farewell.

Little did they know that just a few years later, Bulma would have a very similar conversation with a teenage Gohan.


End file.
